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“This wildly varies from person to person,” says Judith Sills, Ph D, a Philadelphia-based psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted.

“Everyone ends a relationship by grieving the emotional investment.

For some people, that happens before they move out.

Others are still emotionally married after the divorce is final.” Dena Roché started dating while waiting for her divorce papers to come through.

Sadly, this is a step up from my last boyfriend who did a total, utter and complete disappearing act after six weeks of what I thought was awesome dating – he called me every day, took me out every weekend and treated me like his girlfriend (until he didn’t). We can quibble with the details, of course, but this is just one anecdote.

Looking back, I don’t think I’ve had one boyfriend actually man up and tell me the relationship was over for him. I can cite my girlfriend from 1996, who dated me for four months, cheated with me over Christmas break, acted atrociously enough for me to break up with her the following month, and then told me she cheated on me in order to punish me.

What do you do when your ex- has a big life event like a birthday, job promotion, or graduation?

Understand the physical effects of what happens to all of us when we are rejected.

Contact with your ex- is like cutting an open wound over and over again.

Any contact at all, any reminders, makes healing harder.

If you’re divorced, or have ended a long-term relationship, well-meaning relatives and friends may encourage you to start dating again soon.

But how will you know when you're ready for a new relationship?